The Blue Band - First Edition 2020 - Leaving - Coming to the End

 

This is an article I was asked to write for The Blue Band - The Journal of the Royal Marines Band Service.

It talks about how it feels when the time has come and you have to leave the Band Service.

This was published in the first edition of 2020

ONE of the most frightening days that I had in my 25 years of service with the Royal Marines Band Service was the day that I left. I had secured a job that was starting the very next morning, everything was sorted and I had even attended a couple of days earlier for the hand over from the previous post holder. But that sense of dread and fear as I drove out of Unicorn Gate was so palpable that I had to pull over in a flood of tears further down the road.

There is one sure thing, that no matter how long that you serve in any of HM Armed Forces, one day you will have to leave and return to whence you came, ‘Civvy Street’. From Field Marshall right down to the lowly and humble Junior Soldier, we have all got to finish at one time or another.

Without a doubt, the Royal Marines Band Service produces some of the finest experienced musicians, highly qualified and the envy of armed forces musicians worldwide. They are instilled with superb leadership skills from a world-renowned Corps. Add to all this, a plethora of life skills and experience of both musical and military operations, we should find life in the great outside a breeze, shouldn’t we?

Leaving an organisation that you have lived and breathed for a considerable amount of time is never going to be easy.  If you have been an NCO you will quickly find the average civilian will not immediately drop what they are doing and go and do something else for you. Their timekeeping is not what you would expect and they certainly don’t shine their shoes daily. Surprisingly one of the first things that I missed after leaving was not having somebody to tell me when to get a haircut!

You have served for a good period of time with the band service; you have been afforded and given great loyalty to your colleagues. Certainly, after the last couple of decades, you will probably have a chest full of medals. You will have gained the respect of your peers. You have massive experience both musically and militarily.  All that will mean absolutely nothing to your average civilian colleagues, sadly. They even may see it as something to use against you. It has even been known for them to complain that you treat them like a soldier. You will feel that you are just getting on with your work, getting things done whilst those around seem to be slacking. There will be those who completely do not understand why you ever served in the military at all!

 That all sounds like there is a great conspiracy against former military people; let me assure you there isn’t, but it might feel like that. It is this feeling that bought my mental health down and from my research. I am not the only one out there either.

As successful as I was upon leaving the band service, it was not easy. I had to work hard not only to understand the work I was being asked to do initially but also the differing attitudes to work, getting things done by my now civilian colleagues.  I ended up an ‘inwards rower’, taking all things on and eventually all became too much. My doctor explained it to me this way. Imagine yourself as a sponge. You spend time soaking up the new work, but at some point, the sponge fills up and the water spills out. It is at times like this that you start to feel depressed, anxious, suffering sleepless nights and your general wellbeing goes downhill. Those who have suffered this will agree with me that this is not a good place to be in.

Mental Health is currently high on the agenda both in society and within the armed forces and quite rightly so. Organisations now train Mental Health First Aiders and access to mental health professionals is so much easier now generally. I now work in the NHS, in Health and Social Care, and wellbeing events are actively encouraged. My colleagues have recently attended a happiness event, which has benefitted them greatly already.

 If I think back over the years, the Band Service has served, in some capacity, in nearly every conflict that the Royal Marines Corps have been involved with and some operations where they haven’t too. Band Service members have been witness to many things that most normal people will never see in a lifetime and add to this atrocities and accidents over the years, it’s a wonder that there hasn’t been a whole host mental of health problems, or has there?

I am positive that there are those within the Band service and the wider band service family who have have felt like they are treading water or feel that they are like a swan, serenely sailing along and paddling like mad under the surface.  Symptoms vary but this is not a natural feeling and needs to be sorted.

A change of circumstances is never easy for anyone no matter where they are in society, but there are not many people these days who will stay with a company for 25, 30 or 37 years man and boy, girl and woman. Leaving the service is never going to be easy after all that time and couple that with probable retraining and relocation, it is not going to be plain sailing.

That feeling of not being able to conjure up a positive attitude and that overwhelming feeling of isolation can be horrible. Transitioning into civilian life can be helped by organisations such as SSAFA, the Armed Forces charity and can be of great help, so too can the NHS website. There are a few self-help strategies that you can undertake; talk, exercise, drink less and be mindful of others and of course yourself.

During my research for this article, I have discovered several sad and rather disturbing stories.  Stories numbering from not being able to settle, loneliness, bullying and many more. To the friends and former colleagues who have opened up to me, you have been immensely brave, conduct very much becoming of a Royal Marine. But in all seriousness, I hope that being able to talk has helped you a little bit. To all those still serving please remember that fateful day will eventually arrive when you will have met the Principle Director of Music for the last time, your kit will have been returned to the stores and the clerk is cutting up your identity card in front you. It’s all over. I miss being in the band service every day and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Life has thrown me double sixes many times, but there are those downtimes. Through it all keep smiling, talking and most importantly of all, keep looking after yourself. Don't forget, you will always be a Royal Marine.

ENDS

Information Boxes/Sidebars

Useful Links

https://www.nhs.uk/

https://www.forces.net/news/new-military-mental-health-helpline-launched

https://www.ssafa.org.uk/

Mental health problems can expose a number of emotional symptoms of which some are:

·         Changes in mood

·         Erratic decision making

·         Chronic anxiety

·         Lack of self-worth

·         Impulsive actions

·         Increased drinking

Handy tips for self-help:

·         Talk – It is very important for your own wellbeing that you open up to your support network and talk openly about your thoughts and feelings. Don’t let them build up.

·         Exercise – Regular exercise can boost your self-esteem and is also good for your wellbeing and will help your sleep patterns.

·         Drink less – Stay within recommended daily alcohol limits, 3-4 units for men and 2-3 units for women. It is also helpful to have 2 or 3 days off alcohol per week.

·         Be mindful of others – Caring for others is often essential in maintaining relationships with the people you care about. It can help put your own problems into perspective.